Alone Doesn’t Mean Lonely

September 24, 2013

women-laughing

In an interview with author Eric Klinenberg in Smithsonian Magazine, he answers questions relating to the research and writing of his book Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. It’s primarily sociological, anthropological, and statistical analyses, but it can reveal something very personal and give hope to those striking out on their own.

While Klinenberg cites several reasons for the rise in single-living, a germane one to this conversation is that it’s no longer economically necessary for women to marry (or stay married). Salary equality is slowly becoming attainable, and the idea of being supported by a man is as antiquated as the notion that every woman wants to be a housewife. While there are plenty of concerns in getting divorced, don’t let the “will I be lonely?” one keep you from moving forward.

“In fact, people who live alone tend to spend more time socializing with friends and neighbors than people who are married. So one thing I learned is that living alone is not an entirely solitary experience. It’s generally a quite social one,” Klinenberg states. It’s more common to find single-person households in large cities because of the social opportunities inherent within. If your friends, work, and activities are all within a commutable area, it makes it much easier to find yourself out of your house and into your social life. Sometimes this might mean staying in your current location where you already have a support network, but if you do not, consider moving to an urban environment where living alone is more prevalent.

When you’re in an urban area, the opportunities for a single person seem to be much greater. There is a wealth of solo activities, such as world class museums, parks, and recreational classes. Your options for finding a salsa partner (and even learning how to dance the salsa!) are much better in a city than out in a rural environment. But if you’re content living more removed from society, don’t fret. The rise in technology means that it’s easier than ever to keep in touch with families and friends. Consider setting Skype dates with a best friend so you have a special time together to look forward to.

Just remember: the end of your marriage does not mean the end of your social life. You are still fabulous as a single.

Posted by Jane Baber, Mediation Assistant

This blog and its materials have been prepared by Graine Mediation for informational purposes only and are not intended to be, are not, and should not be regarded as, legal advice.  This information is not intended to create, and receipt of it does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.  Internet subscribers and online readers should not act upon this information without seeking professional counsel.


Nesting

September 17, 2013

In recent years, parents seeking a divorce have been trying out a new and unconventional living arrangement to maintain what some of them feel is a higher level of stability for their children. This arrangement is known as “nesting”. In most cases, nesting involves the parents rotating in and out of the family residence, while the children remain in the family home full-time.nesting

            Parents may decide to nest for a few different reasons. Some feel that it is in the best interest of their children to keep them in a familiar environment in both home and school. Also, some parents have chosen nesting because the current market makes it economically unattractive to sell the family home. Nesting allows them to “buy time” without either parent moving out full-time.

            Nesting has the potential for creating less disruption in the children’s routines than traditional custody plans that have the children going and back and forth between their parents’ homes.  However, this means that both parents have to travel back and forth between their two homes, which has its own set of stresses.

            Nesting can also be expensive.  If there are no acceptable, free or inexpensive living arrangements for the parents during their “off time” (time not in the family home with the children), the nesting family may end up paying a mortgage and two rents. To avoid these costs, some nesting arrangements involve one parent living permanently in the family home while the other spends occasional nights in a guest bedroom or on the couch.

            That type of nesting, however, has its drawbacks.  First, it can be confusing to children.  Second, there are legal and tax issues with this second type of nesting, such as your state’s definition of “living separate and apart” for purposes of meeting the criteria to get divorced, and the fact that the IRS will not allow alimony payments to deductible for divorced former spouses if they are living under the same roof.

            When considering nesting, parents will need to decide what is in the best interest of the family in both the immediate future as well as long term. While it is good to maintain a familiar environment for children, nesting is often too expensive, too stressful or not a good idea from a legal or tax standpoint.

            Graine Mediation would love to hear from successful nesting parents—leave a comment!

Posted by Zia Meyer, Mediation Assistant

This blog and its materials have been prepared by Graine Mediation for informational purposes only and are not intended to be, are not, and should not be regarded as, legal advice.  This information is not intended to create, and receipt of it does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.  Internet subscribers and online readers should not act upon this information without seeking professional counsel.

Resource

Sklarew, Renee. “Bridging the Gap Divorced Parents Share Space”.


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